Game Time

I just started intramural volleyball tonight and it was decently fun. Sports have always been a mental defeat for me. I'm not very good at them but I definitely have fun playing..so it's hard. Everyone around me is usually competitive and I'm in it just to hang out. I hate failing people. Once I start doing things wrong within a game I start feeling bad and I feel like everyone shuts me out. I love participating and feeling like I'm contributing.
Tonight I improved. I decided to chill out and not get so nervous when the ball is flailing my way. Also, when I made a wrong move I made sure to either laugh about it or just shake it off. It is super easy for me to dwell on something I did wrong.
I think that being apart of a team is super important. It's a great feeling when you're working together..failing or succeeding. I think that's one thing I missed out on during middle school and high school. I've been such an independent worker so I haven't quite figured out how to be apart of a team.
Let it begin.

So Defeated

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
With a single pillow underneath your single head.
I guess you decided that that old queen was more space than you would need.
Now it's in the alley behind your apartment with a sign that says it's free.

And I hope you have more luck with this than me.

You used to think that someone would come along.
And lay beside you in the space that they belong.
But the other side of the mattress and box springs stayed like new.
What's the point of holding onto what never gets used?

Other than a sick desire for self abuse.

And I try not to worry, but you've got me terrified.
It's like we're in some kind of hurry to say goodbye, to say goodbye, to say goodbye.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed

bad, gluten

My freakin body... when am i going to function normally? I've officially decided to be gluten free. For a few weeks at least. This is definitely going to be a pain. It's going to make me feel better though..I think? I think its worth a try to see if I have celiac disease, or something similar. I think if the doctors aren't going to figure out what's wrong with me, I will.

phew

Fall break is here and I'm exhausted. Exhausted from the week..but also from fall break. I seriously suck every moment that I can and it makes me crazy. It's only my second full day here and I feel like I've used every ounce of energy that my body contains. I'm ridiculous. I just don't want to waste a moment and there's always so much I want to do.

*sigh*

I'm off to sleep.

Freakin Linguistics

I love and hate school. Currently I am studying for a test but I just want it to be over. I think my classes are super interesting but I hate being tested over it. It's so nerve-racking, plus I'm not so great at testing. The things you have to do to get where you want to be..geesh.

This is what I was looking at during one of my study "breaks". It's about people who identify numbers or objects with colors. I think its pretty cool. It's called synaethesia. John Mayer has it and now it makes sense why he sings about the things he does..
Check it.
http://rulefortytwo.com/secret-rock-knowledge/chapter-1/john-mayer-color/

My favorite quote from that article was "Melody is color". It's beautiful for some reason.

A night out with the Girls

Tonight I went to 'Hacienda', a restaurant in Goshen, and it was with the girls from the salon. I think it's super interesting to see how environments sort of change the dynamics of things. I kinda don't know what to say out of a work context, but after awhile you just have to realize to simply be yourself. I just decided to have fun, relax, enjoy my time. It was nice to just hang out for a bit.

Even though I'm not from G-town and even though I'm extremely different from the rest of them, I've come to realize that as soon as I accept myself, they will accept me too. I liked that sense of belonging tonight. I felt like it was a "I know you and you know me" kind of time where we all were appreciating each other and just enjoying each others stories, enjoying what each other has to say.

I can't say that I've ever wanted to be the most popular person or the most well known, but I like to know where I stand. I like to know that I have some sort of place or specific spot that I fulfill. Like in the salon, they're beginning to know me. They're starting to see the skills and hobby's that I have and somewhat starting to understand who I am as a person. I try not to put on a fake show, I want to be at the same level as they are.

Anyways, enough thoughts on that. I'm super tired and I still need to finish my Linguistics homework.. oh college..


(...don't have any relative pictures to post or any recent ones for that matter. my computer is about to explode from all of the pictures that I have uploaded onto it...)

The Photographer

I'm an amateur, really..but today when I had an assignment for the Record (GC's campus paper) I felt like a legit photographer. It was a lot of fun and I took the assignment seriously. Sometimes I get into these really great classes or get involved in a really great project, but I don't run with it. I tend to just slack off or just not put my whole self into it. I want to work on that. I have really great opportunities in my life and I don't take full advantage of them.

This shot was my favorite from today. A group of business owners in the Goshen area got together for an "Environment Meeting" to discuss how they can be greener within the city. Great idea if you ask me. Anyways, a lot of them brought their lunch and I thought it was kinda funny. This guy apparently has a liking for peanut butter.

good weekend

This weekend turned out to be one of my favorites so far.

Friday night I went to First Fridays with an old friend. We walked around downtown, dressed up, and I (made him) learn how to swing dance with me. So fun. I think my favorite was when he said "this is so embarrassing". He was so genuine about it. I didn't feel bad..he needed to come out of his shell for a quick second.

Saturday I got up early for work and did makeup & hair all day. I had so much fun with the bridal party. They were so excited and all of them kept saying "do whatever you need to do" because they didn't know how to do their own makeup. I love making people feel good about themselves. ..Besides that, I got mad tips: 60 bucks. So sweet. Then Saturday night I went to a show to watch a Deaf comedian (Peter Cook). He was hilarious.



Sunday was once again Deaf filled. Me and my other two friends went to Deaf church and hung out at the picnic after wards. Everyone was super nice but it was kind of annoying that my hands and eyes weren't quite warmed up enough to carry on a few good conversation. That was discouraging.
...All together, the Indy trip was good. And I'd have to say as exhausting as it was, I had a ton of fun.

I'm ready to take on the world...

...well, not exactly, but I do feel better today. I got a chance to spend some quality time with the roomies last night, which made my day great. Even though I couldn't control the past few days, my mood & overall composure has improved and that's all that I can ask for.




As I told my counselor today "I think that I have to get up everyday and decide if I'm going to face that day or not..then again, I think everyone has to decide this"