A night out with the Girls

Tonight I went to 'Hacienda', a restaurant in Goshen, and it was with the girls from the salon. I think it's super interesting to see how environments sort of change the dynamics of things. I kinda don't know what to say out of a work context, but after awhile you just have to realize to simply be yourself. I just decided to have fun, relax, enjoy my time. It was nice to just hang out for a bit.

Even though I'm not from G-town and even though I'm extremely different from the rest of them, I've come to realize that as soon as I accept myself, they will accept me too. I liked that sense of belonging tonight. I felt like it was a "I know you and you know me" kind of time where we all were appreciating each other and just enjoying each others stories, enjoying what each other has to say.

I can't say that I've ever wanted to be the most popular person or the most well known, but I like to know where I stand. I like to know that I have some sort of place or specific spot that I fulfill. Like in the salon, they're beginning to know me. They're starting to see the skills and hobby's that I have and somewhat starting to understand who I am as a person. I try not to put on a fake show, I want to be at the same level as they are.

Anyways, enough thoughts on that. I'm super tired and I still need to finish my Linguistics homework.. oh college..


(...don't have any relative pictures to post or any recent ones for that matter. my computer is about to explode from all of the pictures that I have uploaded onto it...)

The Photographer

I'm an amateur, really..but today when I had an assignment for the Record (GC's campus paper) I felt like a legit photographer. It was a lot of fun and I took the assignment seriously. Sometimes I get into these really great classes or get involved in a really great project, but I don't run with it. I tend to just slack off or just not put my whole self into it. I want to work on that. I have really great opportunities in my life and I don't take full advantage of them.

This shot was my favorite from today. A group of business owners in the Goshen area got together for an "Environment Meeting" to discuss how they can be greener within the city. Great idea if you ask me. Anyways, a lot of them brought their lunch and I thought it was kinda funny. This guy apparently has a liking for peanut butter.

good weekend

This weekend turned out to be one of my favorites so far.

Friday night I went to First Fridays with an old friend. We walked around downtown, dressed up, and I (made him) learn how to swing dance with me. So fun. I think my favorite was when he said "this is so embarrassing". He was so genuine about it. I didn't feel bad..he needed to come out of his shell for a quick second.

Saturday I got up early for work and did makeup & hair all day. I had so much fun with the bridal party. They were so excited and all of them kept saying "do whatever you need to do" because they didn't know how to do their own makeup. I love making people feel good about themselves. ..Besides that, I got mad tips: 60 bucks. So sweet. Then Saturday night I went to a show to watch a Deaf comedian (Peter Cook). He was hilarious.



Sunday was once again Deaf filled. Me and my other two friends went to Deaf church and hung out at the picnic after wards. Everyone was super nice but it was kind of annoying that my hands and eyes weren't quite warmed up enough to carry on a few good conversation. That was discouraging.
...All together, the Indy trip was good. And I'd have to say as exhausting as it was, I had a ton of fun.

I'm ready to take on the world...

...well, not exactly, but I do feel better today. I got a chance to spend some quality time with the roomies last night, which made my day great. Even though I couldn't control the past few days, my mood & overall composure has improved and that's all that I can ask for.




As I told my counselor today "I think that I have to get up everyday and decide if I'm going to face that day or not..then again, I think everyone has to decide this"

My day

I think that what drives me crazy the most is feeling like I can't control my emotions. My feelings just consume me. I have all these feelings stuffed inside, yet, sorta empty. It turns the extroverted person I am into someone introverted.

I currently have no motivation...actually, this isn't current, this is reoccurring. I've felt fatigued, unmotivated and super out of it for days. I can't figure out if its the medication or just an "out of sync" phase. Whatever it is, I'm annoyed.



"Open up the curtains and let the sunlight in
I've been left inside with my mindseye"

More real & more accurate.

I haven't been keeping up with this blog at all...and, I've decided it's been entirely too general. Boo on all of that. I want to be honest now. I want to be more open and follow through everyday. From now on I'm sharing all thoughts. I mean, who follows this thing anyway? I think it's really for my own benefit.
As of today, I have been taking an antidepressant for a week now. I think it's going pretty well. I was opposed to medicine for so long, but I think that I've done all that I am capable of doing to help fix myself. My biggest improvements have been:
-drinking more water
-working out (at least 3 times a week)
-figuring out where all of my feelings are coming from
-staying on a consistent schedule
-getting more sleep
-taking vitamins B, D, C and a multi
-admit to my depression/problems

I'd have to say these are great things..especially because I've never done them before. I think that the last one of the list is the biggest. People are so scared to fail and scared of their own issues. I think that's why its the most important step, it's the hardest one.